Thursday, December 08, 2016

Pizzas and Ambulances – The Connection

Have you ever had a stone cold Pizza that looks like a Ford Fiesta hubcap that’s been kicking around on the M25 for 3 days? Well, it’s a common problem according to the Amalgamated Union of Take-away and Pizza Delivery Drivers and they are fed up with getting the blame. It’s all your own fault, they say.

The problem is that customers are not making it clear which house they are in, and the neighbours aren’t helping either. It’s the same for the emergency services like ambulances and fire engines; mind you a fire would be pretty easy to spot.

Finding the right road is easy enough in most cases and any delivery driver worth their salt will know their local patch, but which house is it? It’s dark, most take-aways are delivered in the dark, and the first problem is which side of the road is it on, the odd or the even? Take a look and if you don’t want to go out take stroll on Google Earth. Most homes do not have numbers and when they do they are hidden away somewhere or are 2 inches tall and 30 foot from the road. In the dark. So, once you’ve found a house with a number then you can work out which side it’s on and roughly which end, or even the middle, but you’ve still got to find it. There’s one local road with numbers from 1-75, then a gap and it starts again at 295. Don’t ask me.

It is estimated that we Brits spend up to £30billion on hot food take-aways per year and with the new hi-tech apps this figure is rising rapidly (and people wonder why there are so many take-aways on their High Street) with tens of thousands of meals going straight into the bin because the driver simply can’t find the right front door.

This is not good and all these vehicles roaming our residential streets trying to find an unlit house in the dark is not doing our pollution figures any good either, so put the bl***y porch light on and stop complaining about traffic and air quality.

Now, we would not suggest that you go as far as this example but some clear indication of your house number from a vehicle in the road, (please remember that human beings do not have a zoom vision function) would be a good start if you ever need an ambulance in a hurry and let’s face it, it you’re on a take-away diet this is what mathematicians call a probability.

Adapted from here.


  1. Or cook your own supper.

    There is a Papa Doc's in Barkingside High Street which has seven - yes folks, that's SEVEN - delivery scooters parked outside at quiet times. All those scooters have to be purchased, insured, maintained and fuelled, and the drivers have to be paid, insured and provided with uniform and helmet. Add to that the rent, rates etc. on the shop, and pay for the guys who heat up the food, and it's no wonder that a pizza made from 70 pence worth of ingredients will cost you a tenner.

    It is in our interests to display our house number in case we need the emergency services, but it is in the interests of our health, wealth and air quality to make our own pizzas.

  2. ...and you forgot the rake-off that goes to their American franchisors, Patsy, for this disgusting 'food'. (70 pence? more like 25 pence.) Why not stick to healthy British food like - er - fish and chips?