Friday, April 01, 2016

Redbridge to Charge for access to its web based Services

At the Breakfast Briefing this morning Redbridge council confirmed the rumour it is to introduce a Paywall for its acclaimed and award winning website Redbridge-i. A council spokeswoman, wearing a red velvet dress with matching sling backs, explained that the site is very expensive to run and requires a lot of that technical boy nerd stuff that has to be paid for, so we want to ensure that the services we provide on-line are for the benefit of our own Redbridge residents and not scroungers from other neighbouring boroughs.

Council Leader and former pupil of Mayfield school, Jas Athwal, 46 and wearing his blue turban with matching pocket handkerchief, said that the move is in response to market forces and that the rate will be set at a very reasonable £2.99 per month which represents a good deal and value for money. He went on (as he usually does) to say that Redbridge Council aims to provide first class services for a 21st century borough and that this cannot be achieved with a cut of 70% of our grant from central government without some form of free market revenue earnings to balance the books.

Opposition Leader and keen cyclist, Paul Canal, 59 and sporting his usual hi-viz knee length cycling socks and elbow pads, was delighted with the move. “At last” he spluttered, half way through his taxpayer funded bacon roll, “this dire administration has seen the sense of a commercial approach to council services and we can now expect an upturn in our local economy”. Not to be outdone he continued, (he usually does too) “Now that they are listening we will table suggestions to extend this approach to chargeable Eventbrite bookings for the public to attend panto council meetings at the Hawkey Town Hall”.

Disability and community campaign groups also reacted favourably. Jon Abrams, 41 and wearing a Metalhead t-shirt with calf length trousers and open toed sandals said, “many of our clients are reluctant to access free services as they feel they are mumping off the state. Charging restores their dignity and we expect take-up to increase dramatically.”

Unusually Wes Streeting, MP for Ilford North, part-time job-share councillor for Aldborough ward and former recipient of free school meals, was not available for comment or a photo opportunity.

Meanwhile, we understand that the Liberal Democrats have not left the Council chamber since the last Full Council meeting on 17th March as they are determined to finish their speeches on the European Union membership motion.

9 comments:

  1. Meantime,Ron Jeffries, Chairman of the Aldborough Hatch Pitchfok Brigade, also went on and on and on and on (as he often does) agreeing with whoever and whatever and heretofore if not before. This is the right tning to do, he said but he was far too busy to say any more. As a reluctant house-husband and sole occupier of his residence, his days start at 6am by being woken by Socks. Why only this very nday he has one line of washing out in his garden, he has made a milk jelly with Mandarin oranges and may very soon embark on making yet more fresh fruit salad to be frozen in boxes and used for his puddding (or dessert as they say in Barkingside or sweet in downtown Romford)every evening for he believes firmly in healthy eating. But enough is enough as they say in Aldborough Hatch for 150 metres is here to stay and will be writ large on his gravestone (see this week's ILFORD RECORDER letters pages). Not that he is ready to peg out just yet for there are more battles to be won.
    And whilst I am writing, enough of being nasty to Young Wesley. A first class MP if ever I saw one. He appears to ask questions and leap about in the House of Commons like no one else and is, I am sure, destined for greater heights than I have ever climbed anmd deemed even possible.
    But I cannot sit standing here rambling on, There is work to be done - so APRIL FOOL to you too, Young Alan, and havea G & T for me please!

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  2. Very funny - quite a good April fool

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  3. LOL Alan. :-)

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  4. If it wasn't so plausible with this Council I'd assume this was an April Fool's joke.

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  5. hahaha! very good. fell for it.

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  6. Nice one, B21. I understand Wes was not there because he's chairing a parliamentary committee to enact legislation banning April foolery..

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  7. Note the date, and before midday

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  8. Aston Villa, being totally useless at Football (unlike The Hammers and Spurs) are having so many supporters leaving early that congestion is being caused at exit gates (as reported on BBC Breakfast Sport this morning). They are introducing a £5 "congestion charge" at the exits.

    As a money spinner, RBC should introduce a £5 "congestion charge" for anyone entering or leaving the Borough.

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