Sunday, April 01, 2012

Redbridge Council gets Makeover

News is leaking out of the Town Hall that due to declining popularity in local opinion polls the Council have engaged a Public Relations and Image Consultant to give them a makeover. There will be some changes to terminology but most importantly Councillors and officers will be required to wear a uniform as modelled below; and the new 2 year “Mission” is to seek out new ways of doing more with less and to boldly go where no Council has gone before:


The Town Hall is to be renamed "Enterprise Hall" and a Bridge is to be built in the attic with a huge screen where the "Crew" can keep an eye on us via all the CCTV street clutter and a remote controlled roving "bugeye". Even the lift doors will have the authentic reproduction "swishing" sound.

At the helm we will have Captain Keith T Prince.
Second in command and logic officer is Mr Ian (Spock) Bond.
For our educational health we have Alan (Bones) Weinberg.
And in charge of our wellbeing is Nurse Sue (Chapel) Nolan
In the (re)generation Engine room we have Nick (Scottie) Hayes
Keeping the communications Highways open is Michelle (Ohura) Dunn
Our quartermaster is Robin (Sulu) Turbefield
Then we have John (Chekov) Fairley Churchill navigatiing our Adult entertainment

But there seems to be a slight problem which is delaying the launch. Shoaib (Security) Patel is apparently having a strop on the grounds that the security guards always seemed to get killed off before the end of every episode. His suspicions were aroused when only 8 models turned up for the new Kit photoshoot (above). He is currently rumoured to be hiding in a cupboard somewhere in the Town Hall basement.

13 comments:

  1. Could be nearer the truth than you think.

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  2. I thought most of them were dead- no change then

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  3. Why does the idea of Ian Bond being Spock make me laugh.

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  4. Is this what is known as an "April Shower"?

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  5. I think that all the aforementioned councillors must already be astronauts......they certainly don't seem to live on THIS planet !!

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  6. I think that the article is an insult to the crew of the USS Enterprise......they only did good deeds. Should'nt the USelesS Town Hall Crew be more likened to "Cling-ons"

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  7. I am sure that "Enterprise" appeals to Conservative Councillors but perhaps the LibDems would prefer to serve aboard the USS "Coalition"[there was a "Constitution", NCC 1700, of the same class as the USS "Enterprise" and a "Constellation", NCC 1974, of the same class as Jean-Luc Picard's first Command - USS "Stargazer", NCC 2893].

    There was a USS "Pegasus", NCC 1702, of the "Constitution" class and this could be renamed USS "Pigasus" in honour of porcine aviators.

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  8. I've just noticed that the Redbridge Green Fair is sponsored by the London Borough of Redbridge and "Enterprise".
    And you all thought I was joking...

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    1. Oh we forgot to put the full title of sponsors - Starship Enterprise. Will change that on the website!

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  9. So, if the Redbridge Green Fair is already sponsored by LBR, why did somebody put a funding application to Area 3, only to be refused on the grounds that although the event would benefit residents of Area 3, it was not specifically an Area 3 event. (Things were not improved for the applicant by the disclosure that Area 4 was not being approached!)
    At the time I thought that any application for funding should be carefully planned. Not a nice feeling for the kind councillors to say no. Not a nice feeling for the applicant to be told: No!
    annesevant

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    1. Hi. We did our best in the applications and applied to all the Area Committees we were able to. LBR has given a specific grant for environmental attractions - eg we are putting in all the work to put on an event for them to be able to use in this way. A bargain for LBR!!!! An event probably worth £40,000 and taking 1000 hours to organise, all for peanuts. We need to pay for things like toilets, insurance, marquees etc. Received £2500 from Area committees in total and insurance last time alone cost £3000. So do be patient with us. We are all volunteers!!!! And do come along. It will be great. Lots of Area 3 groups and residents will be there!

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