Thursday, April 01, 2010

New Kerbside Recycling Collection Scheme

EXCLUSIVE: In the last few days Redbridge Council, along with every other local authority in the country, has received a substantial government grant to introduce an innovative new Kerbside Recycling collection scheme. It is expected to be launched on, or soon after, May 7th 2010 and is aimed specifically at the next of kin of redundant councillors, Members of Parliament and their hopeful challengers.

Residents will be asked to leave their waste politicians at the edge of their property no later than 7am on the day after their normal bin collection day, with a packed lunch and an Identity badge. Here in Redbridge, officers are busily making arrangements to recruit sufficient men in white coats to collect and take them away to a new Barnabas Workshops recycling and rehabilitation centre at a refurbished WWII detention camp on Fairlop Plain. Here they will be remolded into useful members of society, before being referred to Job Centre Plus.

6 comments:

  1. I understand that one of the early modules in the rehabilitation programme is aimed at acquiring the skills to live without cash allowances.

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  2. I trust they will all get a plain Enlish course and have it instilled in them that speaking the truth IS allowed and even recommended.

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  3. I think it likely that local organisations will fly tip them around allotment sites or derelict swimming pools,
    or failing that,they will have to be referred to drug abuse centres suffering severe expenses withdrawal symptoms.

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  4. Now, now Morris! It is Easter and Spring has sprung here in Aldborough Hatch. We should be kind to each other! But seriously, what a splendid idea. I wish the scheme well - and will be happy to tour the local area each day that week to ensure that the poor old darlings do not starve.
    Ron Jeffries

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  5. Fairlop plain is not big enough!

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  6. My Swedish friend Loof Lirpa tells me that they tried a similar scheme in his country but had to abandon it as the blighters wouldn't keep still and so householders were being unjustly fined for leaving rubbish on the pavement. They then decided that the answer was to have special recycling "bins" at the local "Town Hall". These were known as "seats".

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