Thursday, April 01, 2010

Macabre Find at Valentines Mansion

The Redbridge Crime Scene Investigation [CSI] team have sealed off Valentines Mansion. They have now been in attendance for several hours and having examined the whole area, have issued the press release below. We have obtained photographic evidence from an indpendent source but the gruesome nature of this crime prevents publication of all but the most sanitised of graphics.
At approximately 4.00 pm yesterday afternoon, Wednesday 31 March 2010, one dismembered and half eaten body was found outside the immediate vicinity of the Valentines Mansion walled gardens by a passing jogger. The deceased has been formally identified as one F. Pigeon who was known to regularly frequent the area and was responsible for the roaring trade of the local Dry Cleaners.

There are no reported sightings of any suspect, but one local, a Miss April Foule, points the finger of blame at another individual who also frequents this wilderness area harassing other park users. The suspect is described as follows: slate grey back and white underparts closely barred by orange. The individual uses a set of wings to manoeuvre around the park and some locals believe the individual goes by the name of S. Hawk. An artist's impression can be found here.

Locals have expressed their sympathies to the Pigeon Family. F Pigeon will be sorely missed; as he was a well known and valuable member of the community known as the Food Chain as well as a keen supporter of local business. If anyone has seen anything, please report in urgently at Birdstoppers and ask for DCI Robin Peck from the Nature Crime Squad.

Tajinder: Crime and Nature correspondent

3 comments:

  1. Now that is interesting.

    I made a similar find while walking on Fairlop Water's 18-hole golf course last Summer: a very dead pigeon with all its breast muscle ripped away. I suspect that it may have been the victim of the same, or a related, feathered felon.

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  2. When you referred to "Macabre Find at Valentines Mansion", I thought you might be referring to this.

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